Some Ideas on Destructive Criticism – Critical Care

You know the saying “lightning never strikes twice in the same place”? Well, it’s been proven that if you are ever struck by lightning, that your chances of being struck a second or even a third time actually increases. The same applies to abused children. Once abused at a young age, abused children stand a higher chance of being abused again and again and sometimes become lifelong victims.You might be wondering where I am going with this and I will show you now. The question is how to decide which criticism is constructive and which is destructive. There are a few ways of ascertaining this fact. Does the person offering the criticism genuinely care for you? Will fixing this problem they are mentioning actually improve your life and theirs? Is it a problem that is so fundamental that it is affecting your quality of life and theirs? Is this problem of yours a problem to other people? Is the criticism a point that you can deal with? For example a criticism that you are such an idiot is not constructive in that it does not mention the specific points of why you are an idiot. That was just an example but you get my point.Adults who were incessantly and destructively criticised from an early age where their coping skills had not yet fully developed , often end up being (and feeling) criticised their entire lives. Due to criticism being imprinted on such early young minds they never as adults cope with criticism. The adult reactions to criticism range between the extremes of pulling away and retreating internally or being the abuser themselves. In some cases they are both.If you are one of these people who were criticised at a young age and your coping mechanism is to avoid the abuse, rest assured within yourself that you have chosen the higher ground. Only a weaker character would choose to repeat the abuse. You have chosen not to do that. The action of avoidance is a much better option. It is however advised that you seek therapy to get help in coping with this and as Dr Phil would say, try to erase some of the hurt that your caregivers as a child wrote on your “slate”. But for now know in your heart that the person who is destructively criticising you is a weaker character who has sensed a victim and is pouncing and most likely was a victim themselves, who have by way of their weaker character decided to repeat the pattern of abuse.To people who find themselves always negatively criticizing others make a conscious decision to try and avoid that. It may be that you do not even realize that you are doing it. I hope after reading this that you make it a daily task to avoid criticizing others as your quality of life will improve and so will the lives of others close to you. You were emotionally abused and you can take the higher ground and not repeat the same abuse. Do not let your abusers win by allowing them to interfere with your quality of life and the lives of the people who love you now.